Dealing with heartbreak

Biko Kennedy and Arianne Hammond, Youthlink Writers

We need to talk ... maybe we should take a break ... it's not you, it's me. These are some of the delicately coated clichés which are often used to give someone the heave-ho and alleviate the speaker's guilt; but to be quite frank, there's absolutely no way to sweeten a break-up. Ending a relationship isn't the easiest of tasks, and being the one who is broken up with is an extremely painful ordeal. While there's no calculated formula for handling/getting over heartbreak, here are a few suggestions we hope you won't ever have to keep in mind.

"I think we're just meant to be great friends ...

YL translation: Being around you is like chilling with a really cool sibling.
What I'd do is tell myself he was simply a jerk then gather a few of my girlfriends and go clubbing! I would also indulge in the sweetness of numerous pastries, but I would not overdo it; wouldn't want to put on unnecessary weight (laughs). Finally, I'll try and learn from that relationship; find what might have gone wrong and move on from it.
- Daina, 20

"I wish it could have worked out between us ... ."

YL translation: Even if I could rub a lamp and summon the relationships genie to fix things between us, I wouldn't.
I usually start buying a bunch of things; clothes, electronics, etc, then just spend time doing some internal reflection for a while, maybe a few days or weeks. After this, I'll direct all my energy elsewhere, in school, work and with friends. Probably I'd hit up social media as an outlet and bring out my true feelings; not to make anyone feel sorry for me though (laughs).
- Corey, 22

"I love you, but I am not in love with you anymore ... ."

YL translation: I'm no longer attracted to you but cheer up ... don't cry, you'll find someone else.
People say don't cry but the truth is, if you were involved with someone and you're hurting, it's hard not to. I think you're allowed three days to be sad and listen to all the depressing songs and, of course, eat all the ice cream you can (laughs). Also, surround yourself with loved ones and engage in social activities you enjoy. Just don't let a bad break-up close your heart and prevent you from meeting someone new, so keep happy as much as you can.
- Chevonise, 19

"You deserve better ... trust me"

YL translation: Can't you see I've been taking you for granted and just using you?
I normally do all the things I wanted to but couldn't, then just look for another girl to replace her. During that time, I think about the break-up and deal with the issue as best as possible.
- Kyle, 21

"You're going to make someone else really happy someday ... ."

YL translation: This relationship is going nowhere. You're an ideal mate, just not my ideal mate.
Address the issue, talk to someone you trust to give you sound advice, then pray and ask God to give you the strength to move on and deal with this heartbreak. Also, give yourself time to be single; so jumping into a new relationship is not recommended. If that relationship was really bad, cut all contact from the person so you'll have a greater chance of healing. A little pampering doesn't hurt (smiles).
- Christina, 19

 "You're just too nice ... ."

 YL translation: You don't have much of a backbone; I'm kind of tired of taking advantage of you.
Accept it. The quicker you do it the faster your mind and heart will heal. Pick up yourself and move on; don't wish upon a star to get him/her back 'cause that'll only make you crazy. Also, do not submerge yourself in things that remind you of the person; put him/her as far from your mind as you can. Get things off your chest by talking to a friend or a professional, then get back out in the world and don't mope around. Begin to depend on yourself again; you'll be better off for it.
- Michael, 20

"I'm just not ready for a relationship right now ... ."

YL translation: I'm just not interested in being in a serious relationship with you.
Cry, 'cause you know it hurts inside, and remind yourself that you were too good for him/her. Start socialising again and find someone even better than your ex. Revenge on that person would be sweet, but it would be plain immature ... or would it be?
- Tameka, 20